Getting rid of the past and moving forward

Moving forward, I would say,  would have been the hardest thing for me a year ago or maybe 2, but today it isn’t. This is the topic of my discussion because today, I had to deal with and give reasoning as to why I have decided to move forward with my life and not reconcile my relationship with my children’s father.  The reasoning was requested by none other than my children’s father.

You may think and ask why I am talking about this,  but in a sense,  I know that this is something that as single parents, we deal with. We may question ourselves and ask,  “Why did I make the decision that I made? ” “Was the decision that I made right? ” ” Will I really be able to do this alone? ” A lot of us tend to have problems with being alone.  I can honestly say that I am one of them and it took me almost 5 years of being in an unhappy relationship with my children’s father and 11 years total of being in back to back relationships, to learn that it’s okay to be alone.

As I have mentioned before,  I was with my children’s father for almost 5 years and of the years,  I can honestly say that I was happiest in the months of the first year that we were together.  Our relationship had been full of lies and infidelity,  causing us to part ways twice and causing me to have a lack of trust in him.

I would say that the first time that I left,  which was when my oldest daughter was 9 months,  I felt that I needed him and that I needed my child to have a home with both parents. (I come from a home where both my parents are still married to this day.) So I ended up getting back with him,  despite his infidelity and physical abuse. The second time that we separated was due to the physical abuse in the majority and the infidelity. I had had enough of it and wanted out of the relationship, but continued to see him and ended up pregnant with my youngest child.  From there,  we ended up back together when I was 7 months pregnant because I really felt like then was the time that we had to be together for the children.

The last straw for me was the cycle that continued to happen-the infidelity and lying. There was no physical abuse,  but I knew in the back of my mind,  it could happen anytime if I really upset him. I felt and realized that I changed alot of myself to be with someone that still was not satisfied with who I was as a person and who did not appreciate me and the things that I had done for them.  I changed my character and ignored my upbringing to be with someone that did not respect me as their partner and mother of their children. So, I decided to leave and not turn back and not question the decision that I made.

This brings me to today’s dilemma: dealing with co-parents that will not let you breath.  Not let you have the freedom that you well deserve.  People from your past that will not let the past be the past. Now my children’s father knows that we have not been together in some time, let alone be intimate, and he still insists on asking to get back together,  to be intimate,  and to fix the things that were wrong when we were together.  This is an everyday thing that I go through, either through text, on the phone when discussing visitation arrangements, and in person when we meet up for the girls. This is something that I’ve had to explain to him time and time again, giving him reasoning as to why I refuse to reconcile with him.  I’d have to say that this is one of the most irritating things that I’ve dealt with while coparenting because I shouldn’t have to give an explanation everytime we see each other.  The past should remain the past and there should not be any guilt placed on the other person, discouragement of the person being able to be financial responsible for themselves and others while not being with them, and bribes to get back with the individual. I deal with this all the time and all I can do is laugh.  I am the happiest that I’ve been in years and I want to keep it that way.  Sometimes you have to move forward and leave the past behind you.  Even if it seems like it isn’t right,  no one’s happiness should be justified by the person that says they love you.

-Bless you all


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